sharing...

A mail I shared with J,A,P,SL and WX the other day...

These couple of days, God had been waking me up quite a lot in the middle of the night. First two nights, I didnt know what it was all about. Tonight, I really felt God speaking to my heart. Making me aware of things. Just to share one with you.

I was thinking about the topic of 'sharing' with others. There were times where I get really excited and just feel like sharing a bible verse with others, or sharing with them a song in my heart or letting them know about how God's been working in my life, but then, something stopped me. The thought of maybe, the other party will just look at my message and do feel anything at all and dont appreciate it at all, just like how I can be. How I sometimes feel that I dont need God at all. Especially when life is adequate, I've got most of the basic things I need and want, and I am happy. Then, even knowing that I still believe in God, but the passion for God isn't there anymore. I dont feel excited seeking Him or needed Him. I was led to thinking about my attitude towards receiving words of encouragement and sharing from SR's email or from other fellow christians, who would send me bible verses or words of advice, and I just look at the mail and didn't even bother to read it, then closed the window, forgetting about it. Wonder if you guys do experience this as well?

Ya, so perhaps God wants me to learn from this lesson. I used to think that the 'caterpillar turning into a butterfuly' process is just a one off event. That I'll just experiencing it once, but I think, I would have to experience it many many many times in my walk withe Lord. Every lesson that God teaches me is like another butterfly in process effect. We are all the caterpillar and the butterfly at the same time. We are all growing. We are in a process of becoming. In some areas of our life, maybe we are the caterpillar, vulnerable and hungry. In some relationships maybe we are in a cocoon, taking time and space, or doing our best to give it to others. And in some ways, we are all fully grown, mature and free, like the butterfly. And thus it is our task to emulate God, to grow and to become and to improve ourselves throughout our whole lives.

Reading a book now by Joshua Harris "Not even a hint"