Testimony

Dear all,

this is an amazing testimony of how God miraculously changed this girl's life. She recently came to Singapore to speak. Can download some of her sermons at http://www.coos.org.sg/
May it encourage you... He can change your life too, if you allow Him to...

Until I was 15 years old, I was convinced I was evil incarnate and nicknamed myself, "Lucifer." I hated Jesus and Christianity because I thought God condemned and rejected me. Instead, out of desperation for acceptance and attention, I turned to a life of homosexuality, drugs, alcohol, gang-banging, devil-worshipping, Buddhism, and violence. My Chinese parents, being disappointed about having a miscarriage of a boy, prayed to buddha for another boy. A year later came me, a girl named Allis. But in a way their prayers were answered. My first words were, "I'm a boy." As far as I can remember, I lived in fear, loneliness, hurt and torment from the rejection of believing I was a boy. By fifth grade, everyone knew me as the "freak" and I became a loner. I could never relate to the innocence the other kids had. Dark and sinister thoughts constantly ran through my head. I felt like I was going insane. By seventh grade, I met some devil worshippers who were also loners like me. I started hanging out with them. I felt like they understood me. Pretty soon, I started putting curses on the Christians on campus. I would purposely go out of my to persecute them and make them cry. I was so angry at God for playing such a "cruel joke" as making me what I believed to be, "a guy trapped in a girl's body." The Christians were so bothered they prayed for me. Most gave up by the ninth grade when I started an Asian gang at my school. But one girl named Janice remained hopeful and faithful in prayer. Ever since I was young, I found myself attracted to women. I believe it's mainly due to the lack of a relationship with my mother as well as the curse that was put on me in the womb. In sixth grade, I met this girl that I became obsessed with for the next four years. In the ninth grade, we started a sexual relationship that lasted for nine stormy months. She became my god, my mother, my world, my everything. Then my life came crumbling down in October, 1992. She broke up with me because her mom found out about us. So we ended it and I was OK. Then I found out she lied in order to get out of our relationship to be with a guy. I felt so worthless. I lost my reason for living. I became suicidal and tried to slit my wrists in front of her at school. During that week, I kept on trying to kill myself but something always stopped me. My gang didn't understand or let alone care. But Janice talked to me and told me that I need Jesus. In desperation, I asked Jesus to come into my life. I didn't feel much better so I went back to my room with the knife in my hand ready to kill myself. Then I thought, "Jesus, I'll give You one last chance." So I cried out, "Jesus, if You're real, show me and I'll give you my life." After I said it, I just wept and dropped the knife. I felt as if He was holding me. The three months following that moment were incredibly difficult and confusing. I felt pressured to become more feminine so I could fit in. I got a boyfriend and tried to be like the other Christian girls at my high school. But inside, I felt so lost, "Does God not love me just as I am?" Just like everyone else, He wanted me to be "normal." But God proved to me He is unlike any other. One night in January 1993, I was in my room listening to a Christian song, "Give Me A New Heart." Suddenly, I saw a bright light in the shape of a person appear out of nowhere. I was paralyzed in fear... I knew it was God. I started having flashbacks of all the bad things I did in my life. I was positive He came to personally reject me and escort me to hell where I belonged. He moved towards me slowly. I started weeping. Then He came close and opened His arms. I thought, "This is it, He's grabbing me to take me to hell." But instead of punishing me like I deserved, He embraced me. He whispered in my ear, "I love you, I love you, I love you." I felt love and acceptance overwhelm me. It was the first time I cried tears of joy. He then reached into my chest and told me, "I am giving you My heart, for yours is tired, wounded, hard, and empty." I went into a deep sleep in total peace. When I awoke an hour later, the whole world looked so bright! For the first time in my life, I felt peace and joy! His love and mercy transformed me. I quickly called my gang and told them I wanted out. They threatened me but I wasn't scared. I knew if they killed me, I'd go straight to heaven. I knew now that Jesus is real and I had proof. For the next two years, I struggled to break free from my past with women and gang life in Los Angeles. I kept praying for a way out. Then, students from Cal came to my high school to recruit. I thought this could be it, but my SAT score and GPA were barely eligible for consideration. I applied anyway and prayed. I first got rejection letters from UCLA and UCSD. This basically meant rejection from UC Berkeley. But God surprised me again. At the end of April 1996, I received a big package from Cal. He wanted me there. My first hours at college seemed promising. I met other Christians on my floor and we hung out together. Then, at night, some people from my floor asked me to go to a frat party. I went. It was a tragic mistake. I got drunk and went right back into my old ways. I met a girl and we ended up getting into another relationship. I still held resentment towards God for not making me a man. I didn't believe I could change cause I saw no other alternative. I gave up on Him and myself. But He never gave up on me. After a year of the relationship, we got engaged. I was so proud about achieving my dream without God. I strived so hard to prove God wrong about making me a woman. I told God that if I'm wrong, He would have to prove it and show me another way. He heard. On October 1st, 1997, the fifth night following our engagement, she didn't come home. It was the worst night of my life. She left me for a guy. All I knew in life came to a screeching halt. It was time for God to take over. After that night, I couldn't eat or sleep for two days straight. I just wept. I didn't know what to do. This was my dead end. Then I saw God standing in my room. Once again, He held His arms open. But this time, He gave me the choice of whether I wanted to enter them. He made it clear to me that I would have to let go of all that I knew, all my ways, and everything worth anything to me including homosexuality. After three days of wrestling with fear and mistrust, I finally said OK and turned to Him. Soon after, God surrounded me with new friends that really supported and loved me. I continually wanted to go back to my old life but I knew my ways only led to misery in the end. So I trusted Him. A year later, a friend from San Diego invited me down to her church. Her pastor prayed for me and God showed me how my mom prayed for a boy. I shared about the vision with the pastor and he prayed for that curse to be broken. When He finished, I felt different. When I finally opened my eyes, everything looked so bright and new... as if I just came out of the womb! I then went into the bathroom to wash my face. I walked by the mirror and thought to myself, "Who's that other girl in here?" When I looked again, it was me. For the first time in my life, I realized that I was a woman! I was shocked! My face and demeanor changed dramatically. It was a miracle! As the pastor prayed for me the next morning, God told him that I was to be renamed Sarah. At first, I was skeptical. I asked God for a sign. Two weeks later, a woman who only knew me as Allis came up to me and said, "I don't know why, but every time I look at you, I hear the name 'Sarah.'" That was about four years ago and life hasn't been without difficulty or struggles. But it's been undoubtedly the best years of my life. I am now totally comfortable and happy that God has made me a woman. I love what He's done with my life! Come to meet me this week and you'll see for yourself how He's transformed me. I know my life is a miracle and there's only one reason I'm alive right now, because there is a real God who loves me and He proves it again and again. His name is Jesus Christ and He is good.

- Sarah Allis Yang